I Saw The Season Starting Differently in My Head

It’s only been two weeks, but it’s never too late to panic when it comes to fantasy football, I say.  And I blame picking this man with the 2nd overall pick.  Compared to the prospect of grabbing Adrian Peterson instead (36 fantasy pts thus far), LT’s 15 fantasy points are rather depressing.  Dude.  Mr. Tomlinson.  Can I call you LaDanian?  It’s a FREAKING toe!!!  Tape up that S.O.B. and play on it!!  It’s just one of your toes, man!  You have NINE other ones!  

Even worse news, with my fantasy football luck, this is going to linger all season long.  For some reason, anything to do with toes always is classified as one of those “nagging” kind of injuries.  Ugh.


Over The Weekend, I Was Accused of Being a Racist. At Least I Think I Was.

I say “I think” because I’m still not sure what the hell the guy was inferring about me and my pal Corey.  (If you’ve ever seen Curb Your Enthusiasm, that photo pretty much paints the same type of crazy situation that we had.)

It happened rather quickly and it wasn’t that big of a deal.  But it was just one of those moments where you wonder how dumb and unreasonable some people can be.  I post this mainly for the comedic value.

So Corey and I were sitting outside his house just catching up on Friday evening.  Just to set the scene, it was about 6 pm, clear sunny day, and we’re sitting smack dab in the middle of suburbia.  Kids playing in the streets and all that.  There isn’t a whole lot of traffic on these streets.  I mean there is, but it ain’t like it’s Main Street by any means.  Remembering that is key to how this all went down.

Corey looks up and sees about 3-4 cars, all in a row, coming down the street one right after the other.  A conversation similar to this ensued:

Corey: Look at all these cars.  It’s like a parade or something.

Me: Yeah, it’s like grand central.  I wonder where everyone is going.  Crazy.

Two important facts: 1) As Corey was talking, he raised his arm and pointed to the traffic of which he was speaking.  Nothing out of the ordinary.  He was just pointing.  2) The first car in the line of cars was an old beat up pickup, with three people sitting in it, and the windows were rolled down.  There was a dad, a mom, and their son in the truck.

After the cars passed, we went back to talking about sports, or girls or something like that.  Then, about two minutes later, we turn and see this same truck rolling on by again.  As they rolled by, they stopped in the middle of the street.  We were still talking to each other about chicks, with our backs turned to the people in the truck.  Here is what I can remember of what was said.

Driver: My son wants to know what you said about him.

Corey: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh, huh?  What are you talking about?

Driver: Back there, when we drove by.  My son wants to know what you said about him.

Son (yelling from passenger seat): Yeah, what’d you say to me?

Me: Umm, we didn’t say anything about your kid, at all.

Corey: Yeah, we didn’t say anything about your son.  Why would we do that?

Driver: My son says you called him black.  Why’d you do that? (Important note: they were not black.)

Son (still yelling, and also getting real jumpy): Yeah, you called me black! Wanna go around the corner?

Driver: Yeah, do you wanna go around the corner?

Corey: Huh?  What?

Me: What?  Dude, we promise we didn’t say anything about your son.  

Driver: Okay, fine.

Son (yelling, as they drive away): (blah blah blah racist things blah blah blah) You wanna go around the corner, CRACKER?!?

Alllllllllllllrighty.  That was weird.  Pardon me while I go on a bit of a rant here.

Now I don’t know these people, nor do I hate them or anything like that.  But people cannot get any stupider than this.  I don’t need to defend the fact that I’m not a racist, that is not in doubt.  I am no racist.  In fact, I don’t even know exactly what race they even were!  They are just stupid people.  

For one, how does that kid, who couldn’t have been more than 15 or 16 have any chance of amounting to anything in his life??  With parents like his, he really doesn’t have a chance.  By turning their truck around and driving back to try to instigate a physical altercation, those parents were setting a GREAT example, let me tell you.

If we would have yelled a racial slur that couldn’t be mistaken for anything else, yes, I would understand turning a car around and asking us why we felt the need to yell something like that outloud.  That type of scenario is understandable.  But that is not even close to what happened here.

And lastly, I just want to say, that if Corey or I would have wanted to say something about those people and the color of their skin (which we neither one ever would do), doesn’t it make sense that we would have yelled it so that there wasn’t any doubt as to if they heard us or not??  If we were going to be the racists that that dude and his kid expected us to be, why would we whisper racial slurs to each other, rather than shout it out?  It just does not make any sense, people.

Anyway, it just boggles my mind how dumb people can be.  And I think it was pretty funny that Corey was called a cracker too!

Happy Friday: Halle Berry Edition

Halle Berry says “Happy Friday.”  And so do I.  I don’t think I’ve ever featured one Halle Berry here on the site, or in my blogging days at all.  And for that, I humbly and gracefully apologize.  Hopefully, this makes up for it, at least in part.  If not, trust me, I will keep working on it.  (By the way, that woman just had a child!  Wow.)

Anyway, notes from my Friday so far.  Do you know how freakin’ hard it is to navigate the UPS website to apply for a stinkin’ job?  Waaaay harder than it should be.  Last night as I was navigating through the application, and I felt like I was applying for a vice president position with the company, and not the dockworker position that I was actually going for.  So once I figure it out, I’ll let you know how it goes.

So other than that, there isn’t much going on.  The wife’s having a girls night tonight, so apparently I’ll be throwing together a boys night out.  I’ll probably end up staying home watching re-runs of Cops and playing Madden, but at least the wife gets to have some fun.

Here are some links for the day.

1. The Big Lead previews week 2 in the NFL for y’all.  We agree with their take about the Pat’s chances with Cassel at the helm, instead of Brady.  We think they’ll do okay enough with Brady.  Pats beat Jets 24-20.

2. I know I’m a little late to the party, but apparently the Yankees are done and will not be seeing the postseason this season.  FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNALLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYY.  

3. Oddly enough, I JUST heard that there’s this big college football game happening this weekend or something.  I think it’s Ohio State playing either UCLA or USC right?  Out in California, getting tickets will definitely cost you.  Our take: USC 27, Ohio State 20.

4. Joey Harrington once dominated football in the state of Oregon.  Looks like he’s back in town again…at least for a while.  Maybe for good though?  Harrington’s plight is pretty unfortunate.  Too bad too, he’s a pretty cool  dude.  And he’s down with Law & Order too. 

5. Vice Presidential babe Sarah Palin had her first interview with the media.  No surprise the Boston Herald calls Charlie Gibson’s tatics “tough, but respective.”

6. For equal time’s sake, here is a take on the Palin interview, from the National Review Online.

What a Horrible Fake Job

Ridiculous: Darius Miles is Still Playing Basketball in the NBA

If you are a Blazer fan, April 14, 2008 was a rather good day.  It was the day Darius Miles was ruled as having a career ending injury.  

Now that sounds pretty harsh, I know.  But I’m sure as a person Darius Miles isn’t too much of a horrible person, and I’m not wishing harm or misfortune on another human being.  But as a basketball player, and especially a basketball player for the Portland Trailblazers, he just was not getting the job done.  In any way, shape or form.  At all.

So when the defending NBA champion Boston Celtics actually signed Darius “Did you not hear that my knee injury was called career ending?” Miles, I think the word ‘surprised’ would be an understatement.  Right from the start, the signing of Miles just smelled somewhat dirty.  There is no evidence of this, but also no real way to explain the move logically.  Exactly what kind of dirty hippie crap is Danny Ainge trying to pull?  John Canzano’s also thinks it all smells a little fishy:

Boston doesn’t need the help, obviously. Or the headache. So this one feels strange. Miles doesn’t have proof of performance. He’s a distraction. And there’s something about all of this that feels suspect. The NBA is a strange, incestuous league, and the tentacles of this thing might very well run deep.

Could Boston be angling for a free agent handled by Miles agent? Could another Western Conference team be encouraging Ainge to make this happen to keep the Blazers down? Or is this just Ainge taking a low-risk proposition into camp and wanting to see if Miles can still play?

We may never know what the hell Ainge is thinking.  Obviously, we will get to watch this one unfold during the season.  But this is a low blow, Danny.  Real cold.  As a Portland Trailblazer, Darius Miles put forth a real effort in all of ONE game.  An April 19, 2005 game loss to the Nuggets, where he scored 47 points and looked almost amazing.  We’ll gladly give Darius $1 million bucks for that one, but the other $47 mill (of his ridiculous-ass contract we gave him) he has straight up STOLEN from the team. 

Now, due to the “genuis” of Danny Ainge (“genuis” translated: lots and lots of money to buy their NBA championship), Miles is going to cost the Blazers even on his way out.  More from Canzano:

He’s in control of about $10 million in cap flexibility, and an insurance company has paid a portion of Miles salary over the last couple of seasons. The Blazers would also have to pick up the tab for the money the insurance company paid on his “career-ending injury” should he be able to play 10 games next season for any NBA team.

Besides all the money stuff, I sort of find all this comical.  I actually hope that Darius makes the team, plays like crap, and steals another couple million from the Celtics on his way out of the league.  Because you know he is going to.  Danny Ainge is an idiot, there is no questioning this.  I mean look at what he said about Miles after his work out: “Darius has been in twice for workouts with us and has impressed us with his progress, health, and attitude…”

Hahahahahahahahahaha.  You’ve been fooled already Danny Boy!  His attitude impressed you??  Geez, you’re a loser.  But the funniest quote in the entire press release was the one by Darius himself.

“I’ve watched the Boston Celtics play a lot last year and loved what I saw in their teamwork and chemistry on the court and it’s the team that I want to try to resume my career with.” said Miles. “I am excited about having an opportunity to play on a team that I feel my personality fits with and a team that can have great success on the court.”

At least Miles knows how to sound like he’s going to be a team player.  Good luck Boston.  Alert all of your shadiest strip clubs that he’s on his wa–wait Miles probably already has.  And get ready for some more of this.  

This last classic exchange is all you need to know about Darius Miles and his “personality” and the probability of it fitting with the Celtics.  From an interview transcript with Jason Quick, beat writer for the Blazers.

Miles: All right. So, everything it just don’t add up. Every team I was on, and you ask every coach I’ve had, and I’ve had like seven coaches in my career, ain’t none of them have any problems. Haven’t heard nothing about me, no negative energy from the Clippers to Cleveland, and the half season (here).

Look at this season: I’m your franchise player, what is a Darius Miles bobble head like? Didn’t have one. And every time they had those little things with players talking on big screen, you aint never see me saying nothing on that do you?

Quick: Why?

Miles: Your guess is as good as mine. 

Quick: Does that bug you?

Miles: It’s like you are telling me I’m this franchise player, but hey once I noticed it, and I was like dang, I don’t have no bobble head? They tried to get me one at the last minute, and I was like, No, I’m fine. But I don’t want to sound like I’m whining.

But this is what you all are telling me. You mean to tell me, if they have a Steve Nash, a Raja Bell, Amare Stoudemire, and a Boris Diaw bobblehead, they wouldn’t have a Shawn Marion? But I don’t want this whole interview to sound like I’m whining

Of all the reasons in the world to be pissed off at the team you play basketball for?  Because they never made you into a bobblehead, Darius?  A freaking BOBBLEHEAD??  I think I have officially seen it all.

Annoying Bluetooth Talkers

My Completely Objective Personal Account of the BYU-Washington Game

Well at least the weather for the game was considered calm.

As far as everything that happened during the game, from kickoff to the final seconds, “calm” was hardly an appropriate description.  I have to say, this was a great game.  It was definitely worth the price of admission.  Actually, most every college game I’ve witnessed in person has been worth the price of admission.  I’ve been lucky like that.  This one though, definitely had some icing on the cake, as they say.

My dad and I went to the game as BYU fans.  We’re Mormon, so it kind of comes naturally.  At least a little bit natural.  And we have a little bit of love for the Huskies, so it was going to be a win-win for us all the way around.  We were just hoping for a good, competitive game.  And looking back, we got way more than we paid for.  It was great.

So when I go to events, especially sporting events, I always make mental notes of things I see around me.  The thoughts come up kind of randomly, so here we go.

1. There are a lot of things these days that make me feel old.  Too many to list individually right now.  One of them is getting up ridiculously frickin early and not going back to sleep.  The definition of ridiculously frickin early for me is anything before 7 am.   On Saturday, I needed to be awake by about 6:30 to be ready in time.  But my insanely uncomfortable bed had other plans.  It woke me up at about 5 am.  I still haven’t recovered from it.  As a matter of fact, I had to slam two Red Bulls just to make it through this post.

2. Everywhere BYU goes, they’re always going to have loyal fans in that city.  This is obvious.  I was still surprised how many BYU fans we saw walking to the game.  There were even more when we got into the stadium.  Definitely much more than the usual quota of fans for the visiting team.  It was kind of nice actually, since we were rooting for BYU.  We still didn’t cheer too loudly for BYU, as we were smack dab in the middle of enemy territory.  Fellow BYU fans were nowhere near us.

3. Best/funniest part of the day.  On the way in, we saw all the usual types of fans.  In front of us, there were the typical we-have-to-be-loud-and-drink-as-much-as-possible before we get into the game.  You know, frat boys and the like.  The funny part is that when I looked a little closer at them, they were all decked out in BYU gear!  I thought it was hilarious.  And they were definitely loving the attention they were getting.  For all I know, they could have just been Husky fans being funny.  I thought it was great, so I snapped a photo.  It was hilarious, I’m tellin ya.   

4. As for the game, it was close the entire time.  Pretty much always tied.  Back and forth.  Back and forth.  7-7 after on quarter.  14-14 at the half.  21-21 at the end of three.  It felt a lot like how it goes when I play Madden 08.  Lots of scoring.  Not very much defense.  Two observations about the game: Jake Locker and Harvey Unga are both pretty amazing players.  I had no idea that Unga was that good, and Locker….well he is amazing.  Oh and both defenses are pretty worthless.  If BYU plans on busting the BCS this season, they will have to make some changes.  Especially if they play a QB with any similarities to Jake Locker.

5.  Bold, theoretical statement: If Jake Locker would have went to Oregon to play (or any team better than UW, for that matter), the Ducks would play for the national title this year.  I am almost certain of this.  I would put any amount of money on it.

6. The people of Seattle, Washington LOVE Jake Locker.  I saw at least 1,000 Jake Locker jerseys with my own eyes, and obviously there were many more than that in the rest of the stadium.  I don’t think the fans up there even know there are 10 other players on the field when Locker is playing.  And since Locker doesn’t play defense, I am not entirely sure that UW fans know exactly what’s happening when their team is on the field playing defense.  I think they are all under the impression that he was sent from the ‘gods of mediocre and formerly corrupt football programs.’  This is the same football gods that folks in Coral Gables (U. of Miami) and Tallahassee (Florida State U.) pray to.

7. Now for the botched call at the end of the game.  After two days of non-stop reaction to the unsportmanslike conduct penalty that was called on Locker, I get it.  I get that it was a bad, bad call.  And I agree that the rule that the NCAA has enforced is bogus.  But let’s not forget that Washington still had a relatively good shot at making that extra point.  I also understand that yes, making a PAT from 35 yards is going to be harder than a normal PAT attempt.  There is no denying this.  But let’s not get carried away and make this seem like he had to kick the ball 50 yards and he had no shot of making it.  Yeah, by moving the ball back, the level of difficulty was increased but not by that much.  (Husky honk will never agree with me on this and that is fine.)

8. More about this penalty call.  I feel that this point is getting lost in all the articles being written.  From Gennaro Filice of SI.com, let’s not forget this please.  “Now, let me get one thing straight — officials did not hand this game to BYU. The Cougars played well enough to win at a tough road venue. And even if the excessive celebration penalty had not been imposed and Washington had converted the PAT, the game was still headed to overtime.”

Everyone has forgotten this and are practically accusing BYU of paying officials off and what not.  Trust me, I heard people saying as much at the game.  I was there.  Hello, they were PAC-10 OFFICIALS, so calm down.  There is no way to say who would have won the game in OT.  But it’s not like BYU got a free ride to victory, and everyone is reacting to this as if that was the case.

9. I could go on more about this penalty call but I’ll stop.  One last thing though.  After the game ended, we kept as quiet as possible.  We weren’t going to be that stupid.  I cheered once real loud when BYU blocked the kick, but that was it.  I mean, I wanted to get out of there alive.  Oh annnnd I was just waiting to be offended before I left the game too.  That was on my list of things to do for the day.  Be offended, check.  So thanks UW fan, for doing the honors.  It’s a real classy move (and really, really, really original too) to shout something crude about Mormons when your team loses to BYU.  I’m sure this guy was like the first guy ever in the history of college football to shout something about Mormons and how manly he thinks we are.  

I may not be the most PC guy around, but I nor anybody that I know would shout something derogatory about Catholics upon losing to Notre Dame.  It’s a real sign of intelligence, for sure.  For that reason alone, I have no sympathy for UW or it’s excessively celebrating players!  HA!

10. Last thing.  In reference to where we were sitting, I believe I have a pretty good idea how an offensive coordinator sees the game from his perch at the highest point of the stadium.  Me and Norm Chow now have something in common.  Here’s the visual.